On the first day of Christmas . . .

. . . it only happens for the first time once, so better do it right.


I decided to take the classic approach to our first Christmas - start the celebration in the days leading up to Christmas!

but you can forget the swans and leaping lords, because I'm not bringing her throngs of elaborate gifts.


I'm taking her to the gifts.



That's right. In four days, we will be looking at this:


where I hope to pick up a couple of these:

the next day, we will be dining here:

to be followed by trips here:

and here:

Please, hold on to your jealousy. Besides the fact that jealousy is downright unbecoming, I'm not finished yet.


we may even find ourselves one of these:

before we go do some of this:


and check out purchase options for something here:

we may even stop and think of y'all while looking down at this.

. . . maybe.

although you really have a better chance of that happening here:

or even here:

heh. had you going there didn't I? you really thought I'd be thinking of something other than taking in all the grandeur with her?


okay, okay. . . maybe I can put in a good word for you when I see him:

otherwise, I'm prolly going to be a bit distracted by managing my gifts.

actually, come to think of it there could also be some french hens involved after all . . .

- The Knight

(by the way. . . you can feel free to be jealous now.)

The Concepts

Seeing the wedding come to life was really thrilling, and it was surprisingly easy to just sit back and let others take care of the details when we got to D-Day. I drew lots of pictures, made spread sheets, sweetened and condensed information, sent out a slew of emails...and ran around like mad packing and hoping I remembered everything. Then...I ran out of things to do and had a very relaxing week before the wedding. I can't thank my volunteers enough for the work they put into the wedding weekend: made my job easy.

Centerpieces: Conceptual Run Through

Centerpieces: Reality

^head table

^other tables



^le gargoyle and le girlgoyle (college memories!)

^in all their glory, hidden on the head table with my swanky thrift store find toasting flutes!

This is what my guest book table looked like ->

I looked everywhere for a contraption to hang my name cards on--haunting the local thrift stores for anything interesting and suitable. I couldn't find a thing. Finally I decided to gather sticks in the Ryan's back yard and tie them together into a "tree" form. We ended up borrowing a vase from Holiday Inn...and some of their gravel...but it worked well.

Leavin' On A Jet Plane

"When I come back, I'll wear your wedding ring."

-Leavin' on a Jet Plane, Peter, Paul and Mary

I'm flying north today, it was quite a weekend filled with brimming cars and helpful friends and family. Our stuff is all at the new house (with one or two exceptions) and I sure hope I've got everything I need for the next two weeks.

Nick drives north on Friday, pray for safety on the road for everyone traveling.

Expect the blog to come alive again in November with pictures from the wedding, "making of" pictures, and such wonderful things :-)

-The Lady

Aristotle

For when wife and husband are agreed about the best things in life, of necessity the friends of each will also be mutually agreed; and the strength which the pair gain from their unity will make them formidable to their enemies and helpful to their own.

Moving

Something we've forgotten to mention here is that we have a house to rent. It's really quite exciting. House hunting was on the to-do list for August. We had started looking around generally at the various condos and apartments in the general area--made a list of what we were looking for in a place, and were becoming increasingly aware of how hard it was going to be to find time to go look at places. Nick has a 2 hour commute (each way) and class twice a week, which pretty much just left us with weekends.

And we certainly didn't have many weekends.

We tried not to stress about this, to pray that God would provide, and to start doing our best to fit everything in.

And then a house climbed into our laps and begged to stay. Almost literally. A friend was moving out because she and her housemates were in a time of transition, and transition was making the house a less than ideal spot to stay for them. She'd lived there 4 years and loved it. Did we want to come see it this weekend? Sure.

It's 2 stories tall and has a basement, there is also a tiny attic. It's so narrow that it looks like it escaped from a town house neighborhood, but it's a spacious 2000 sq ft (counting the basement, which is largely unfinished). It has a big beautiful kitchen, a deck, a little front porch and a postage stamp yard. It also has 2 full baths, and 2 half baths, and 3 bedrooms. : it has a driveway and no speed bumps. It's also in a great location, very close to the highway, so easy access for my commute and Nick's. It's all we wanted and more.

The rent was also extremely reasonable, and about what you would pay for a condo a third of the size.

So, we're moving Nick this weekend into the house that God plunked in our lap with a twinkle in His eye.

-the Lady

"Awake! arise! my love, and fearless be,
For o'er the southern moors I have a home for thee."
-John Keats, The Eve of St. Agnes

The Proposal: His side

[with the facts of the tale already given in her side of the tale (see here) I guess I can just focus on the behind-the-scenes story… ]

“Have you asked her yet? When are you going to propose?” the questioning was becoming more frequent from my colleagues and friends. Maps, moon phase calendars, lists of pros and cons for various schemes mixed along with copies of term papers had littered my desk for weeks.

“I don’t know.”

It wasn’t cold feet. It was waiting for the right time. Like a musical crescendo, there is a moment in time that just begs to be the culmination of every note leading to that point. That point had not yet come, and I didn’t know when it would come. All I could do was get ready for when it arrived.

“Plan to be spontaneous” – that is usually my modus operandi. A delightful oxymoron designed to take advantage of opportunities as they arise, or for those times when a brilliant idea strikes, but it is just not feasible to put it into immediate practice and must be saved for later.

The problem with dating a clever girl is that they can usually tell when you are plotting something. If the plan involved something too particularly out of the ordinary, it was liable to tip her off. I had a good idea of my ideal proposal plan for a long while, but I was open to other opportunities. I realized that I really couldn’t definitively plan for when I was going to propose. I knew if I did, it would make me nervous. And nervous people act funny. Funny acting would be suspicious. And suspicious girls are not readily surprised.

There were months of preparation. Suggestions for future visits to vineyards, scenic overlooks, late night drives through the countryside under the stars. . . wonderful trips all in their own right, but doubling as attempts to normalize any hints and remove potential giveaways. After one too many “that would have been a perfect time!” moments, I started carrying the ring around with me – working towards my ideal, but trying to be ready for that perfect moment.

April 20: It looked like the pieces were finally coming together. Tuesdays were our standing date night, she had just returned from a conference, and was preparing to leave again for a surprise trip to see her brother, the weather was supposed to be pleasant—perfect for a starlit night, and I had a paper due the following day that had been keeping me “busy” to boot (already written by then). Right before leaving the office for the day I took another look at the weather—just in case.

“mostly cloudy”

*facepalm*

Out of my three criteria for proposals - - (1) the moment is special, (2) it’s a surprise – even if she knows it is coming eventually, and (3) the grand plan works - - the third was fairly expendable – to the point of not planning on actually proposing through most of the evening.

However, the plan was tentatively reinstated as the clouds broke in a glorious sunset over the mountains, and I took her for a drive to kill the hour or so until it was suitably dark.

As darkness fell, so did the cloud cover. I watched as the stars slowly disappeared, throwing a mental “message in a bottle” heavenwards, figuring that the “planned” part was gone, and things were now relying on the “spontaneous” as I turned the car back towards my final destination.

“ok god, I brought the ring, I hope you brought the fireworks…”

Now, the advantage to an intentional lack of knowledge is a legitimate reliance on other’s knowledge. It’s much easier to seem not to know exactly where you are going when you actually _don’t_ know exactly where you are going. Sure, I had scouted out the location beforehand. . . once. . . in daylight. But at night, through the trees, no streetlights, not even the moon to light the surroundings – I only hoped that my search with Abby (who had traveled this road many times while going home to New England) for “a good stopping point” to eat our ice cream would not involve turning around after missing my “random” turnoff.

Thankfully, I managed to locate the roadway with relatively little difficulty and parked under the tree line separating the road from the vineyard fields. As I fished around the car in the dark for a blanket (and one or two other key items), I realized that—just beyond the trees—the entire field was bathed in moonlight. As we walked out under the stars, I’m almost certain I heard a chorus of angels somewhere—it was beyond perfection.

As we sat under the stars, we started reminiscing about the past several months, and the prior summer leading up to our courtship. Her voice faded in my mind as I tried to figure out some form of lead-in to an actual proposal. I knew it was time to ask, but I didn’t quite know how. The whole “plan to be spontaneous” had served me well thus far, but now I was stuck.

“. . . and that was when I realized that I wanted to be with you, forever”

*insert blow to head with massive cue card*



The subsequent events are still very much a blur in my memory, but apparently something went right. Because now here I am, less than 3 weeks away from a lifetime with the girl of my dreams.


- The Knight

"That's why, darling, it's incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too"

"Every path you have trod..."

"...through wilderness, through war, has led you to this moment." Elrond, in the Return of the King movie

Aside from the herd of wild expections that always stampedes at the startling sound of an oncoming wedding, there is an entirely different reason that weddings are stressful.

A wedding presents a unique, once-in-a-lifetime challenge designed for a skill set you may or may not possess. If you happen to not be predisposed to event planning (aka, herding cats) and can't afford a wedding planner (a la Jennifer Lopez) then things are just a teeny bit more difficult.

As I was contemplating coordinating cars for the big day I was suddenly glad for all the event planning I did at school--even though planning trips to the movie theater or massive picnic outings are small fish compaired to planning a wedding, it still requires some artistry. Especially when you don't have a car yourself. Suddenly those student politics campaign events, afterparties, and elaborate surprise birthday party schemes (including a 4 town scavenger hunt and a murder mystery) are more important than I had dreamed, and not in the way I would have expected.

Even if you are the event planner type, there is the added challenge that this event is really more like a clock or a company than a typical event. You have to set up an incredibly complex machine, and it has got to run without you. You'll be there, but you won't be able to over see things, answer questions, adjust decorations, make sure everything gets done at the right time, or anything else. Your job, once you get to the day, is let go of everything you just spent months thinking about.

Currently I am keeping track of my bridal parties' arrival times, rental arrivals, who is where to help out when, making sure cars (cars short enough to go under the bridge between us and the ceremony) are available to move everyone from one place to another, realizing that for speed, we may need to assign people to cars for leaving the ceremony and going to where we'll take pictures, I need to figure out who is in pictures where, what the decorations will be, who will take care of them when we're gone. Making lists of things that need to be made, things that need to be designed, things that need to be talked about, errands, and then there are all those none wedding related things that still need to be done (my poor kitchen...)

And, of course, there is the breathless waiting for RSVP's.

But through it all, I really do enjoy coordinating large, complicated, things. Especially when they start coming together. With 51 days to go, things are coming together. My dress is done, my head is spinning with dance steps, half finished centerpiece ideas are sitting on my dining room table, the invitations are all out, my Maid of Honor has started planning a wedding shower, plans are in place and invitations out for the Yankee Engagement Party.

-the Lady

So close, to reachin' that famous happy ending.

Note to self:

The advantage to having been in five weddings in one summer is that you have ample opportunity to observe behind the scenes. To see what works logistically and what doesn’t. To note the things that really shouldn’t be left until the last minute. And perhaps most importantly: to try to figure out how to make things easier for the girl… or at the very least to try to keep her happy.

Groom’s Survival Guide to Wedding Planning - Part 1:

1. Be flexible. If you can’t get this one down, you’re sunk.
2. “Flexible” doesn’t have to mean “have no opinion,” but opinion should help the flow of the process, not stop it.
3. Offer to help – but don’t insist on helping. That’s not helping, that called being OCD.
4. Make it fun. If you are making it something else, you are way out of line Chuck.
5. Scheme plans to bless/surprise her at random times and for no apparent reason. Trust me; it’s worth the extra effort.
6. Keep your sense of humor intact. There is little that you will face that justifies losing it. It’s either: 1) not that important, 2) probably shouldn’t be that important, 3) may actually be important, but she doesn’t need you adding to the problem by being irritable.
7. If the girl ain’t happy, ain’t _nobody_ happy. Sometimes it’s your job to ensure this is the case until she _is_ happy (emphasis on “sometimes”).
8. Flowers. Lots of them. Repeat more than necessary.
9. Learn to tell when it’s time to get involved, and when to shut up.
10. When it’s time to shut up, Shut. Up. (see 6.1 & 6.2).
11. Get used to hearing “it doesn’t matter... at the end of the day you will be married” from others.
12. Don’t _ever_ use that phrase on your fiancée. If it’s important to her, it’s important.
13. The Wedding racket. It is real. It is like the mafia of the wedding world. Full of extortionists, corrupt officials, and their miserly henchmen. They control everything. If you see something branded “wedding”... run. It may be your only hope.
14. You can never say “I love you” too many times.
15. Don’t let all your time together get swallowed by wedding planning. That may be all that’s on her mind, but it’s your job to help her escape it from time to time.
16. Pay attention. You may have thought you knew this girl, but there is so much more to learn about her. Chances are this is the first time you’ve done any kind of “pressure planning” together, and you will spend the rest of your life pressure planning (house, finances, family, etc.), so you might as well learn how to do it now when your involvement can be sufficiently scaled back to take the time to observe how she operates and how you can complement her.
17. Time to yourself is a good thing. Allows you to make a dent in the other non-wedding-planning projects done, and helps you get geared up for another planning session as you get reminded that you never want to be away from her.
18. Ice cream is the solution to many problems.
19. Duct tape can fix most of the others, but social conventions sometimes force you to use alternative methods – like money.
20. Don’t be afraid to let how much you adore her show. It reminds her why she is putting up with all of this in the first place.

- the Knight

Racket Wars-Veni, vidi, vici.

I'm a yankee.

It's runs deep in my soul.

As such, I cannot stand the wedding racket. A bouquet of roses should not cost more because it says "wedding roses" in the little product description. Neither should cakes, venues, shoes, jewelry or anything else that is not overly ostentatious. (Some stuff deserves the price tag, most stuff doesn't)

Dresses are a little more understandable because of the amount of material in a wedding dress (I mean, you could build a tent for four out of some of them).

My goal with planning the wedding has been not only to plan something beautiful and meaningful, but to avoid the racket. Imagine my delight, then, when I found a pair of Nine West shoes for $14.69--wedding shoes: check.

Some unrelated pictures for your pleasure (from the wedding of a friend who enlisted talented friends to create a summery wedding with an elegant take on the backyard wedding):

Lists and 80 day adventures

I once took a personality/gifting test that asked: "Do you constantly make lists?" Answer: Very True. (As a random aside; does it bother anyone else that so many of those tests have scales of "agree/strongly agree/disagree/strongly disagree" or "true/not very true" but questions that are structured for a yes or no, or perhaps a complete sentence answer?)

As a chronic list-maker, I have had a hey day with wedding planning. Last night I sat down with my legal pad and stuck 3 sticky notes of to do lists (with several duplicate tasks) and combined them into a schedule for the evening (two evenings, really).

A wedding generates lists like nobody's business--not only is it the biggest party you'll potentially ever throw but it has tradition mixed in. What traditions are you going to use? Why? What traditions will people flip out if you do/don't do them? (some of these decisions have been easier than others: No garter toss. That was easy)

You can even make lists of the things you need to make lists for. (Reception decorations, ceremony decorations, things to do the day before the wedding, things to ask Mom, things to ask Nick, etc, etc...)

I even put "make dinner" on my list. I should have put "eat dinner" on my list because then I could have had the satisfaction of scratching something else off my to do list. When it's just me at home, I really do need to put "make dinner" on the list otherwise I may forget, or it will get swallowed in all the other things I need to do (because they are on my list of things to do, and thus, get priority.)

In the midst of all of this list mania, I realized yet again that this blog hasn't been updated since the beginning of the month. I also remembered fondly all the brilliant ideas I've had for posts but didn't have time to write. (I was writing lists, sorry)

When we hit the 80 day mark I wanted to post about how Phileas Fogg went around the world in the span of time between that day and my wedding day. As I recall he met a girl, fell in love, and got married in that time frame too...See, Mom and Dad? A 6 month enagement isn't that short! ;-)

(blog post: check)

Did you know?

Every now and then I step back and evaluate my position in life: realizing that in the big picture, each stage really is rather remarkable.

You are only a highschooler once. You are only a (first time) college student once. You are only a recent grad once. You are only engaged once. It's interesting to look back at the different phases of my life, and of my relationship with Nick--I laugh at the awkward-but necessary-parts, and remember other parts with fondness. I'm enjoying engagement, even with all the wedding planning (and really, though I like this phase, I don't know why anyone needs to be engaged for a year...)

All that is an aside for what I'm actually here to tell you: If you have not yet been engaged here are a couple things for you to remember:

Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Chances are you know a lot of people who registered there, and maybe to be different you don't want to (I was tempted down that road)--but there is a very good reason why people register there. Not only do they have good products, but they treat you like royalty. This isn't to say they assign guards and schedule meetings with the Prince of Monaco, but:
-they take you on a tour of the store. This seems unremarkable until you've tried registering somewhere else. They show you where things are, what the product lines are, what they are known for, they ask what sort of lifestyle you have (ie "do you like to cook?") and try to give you useful information.
-they check on you periodically. This is especially helpful if you decide you have more questions, or if you get thirsty. They offer you water/soda/tea, etc.
-they give you coupons and other perks for the things that people don't buy you.

David's Bridal. The prices are tempting, girls, but I recommend resisting unless the floor model fits you perfectly and you can buy it off the rack. Their customer service is notoriously bad, and even if the people are nice, it's usually extremely difficult to get what you want (or even try on what you want) and I have heard and seen with my own eyes the nearly disastrous results of alterations there.

Ice Cream: you laugh. For you, it might be coffee or cheesecake. In all the mayhem of planning a wedding (whiiiile working full time and going to weddings/birthday parties/visiting family/and other aspects of life that don't stop because you're engaged) don't forget to take time off and spend a little time with your fiance in which you don't talk about the details of the wedding. Actually, I recommend hiking, ice cream (cake/coffee/whatever) is a great accompaniment to planning sessions (whereas it's extremely difficult to work out the details of a ceremony while huffing and puffing up a mountain).

Blogs: Not the blogs of brides (though a couple of those are useful), but the blogs of photographers. They are just happy to be alive and taking pictures, they will brighten your day and give you brilliant ideas.

That's all my tips for the day--Hopefully they made you laugh even if you aren't engaged :-P

-The Lady

in a blaze of time

It's hard to believe that it has been two months since our late night excursion to the vineyard. Time might as well have been an SR-71 Blackbird--too fast for its own good sometimes. We've been to 3 weddings together (and Nick went to one without me--in California) and gotten quite a bit of planning done for our own.

Of course, we'd been engaged less than a week when I found a dress I liked--but finding a venue was a sight harder.

Apparently 10-10-10 is such an uber cool date that most people are getting married on the 10th (Sunday) rather than the 9th (the much more traditional Saturday)--Nick and I weren't thinking about the 10th so much as the fact that Monday was Columbus Day, so many people would be able to travel on a federal holiday.

Most of the venues big enough for our wedding were already booked, and those that weren't were far too expensive (for your reference, most restaurants on Cape Cod can only seat 45-80 people maximum or they are only open through September). Facing the necessity of a small wedding and the reality of a large extended family has definitely not been a challenge I would want to repeat. However we were able to find a gorgeous spot for the ceremony, as well as a large (and stately) room for the reception. It aslo turns out that my mother can haggle (which I didn't know before).

With that hurdle cleared it's just logistics (parking, what parking?), design work (website: check), groomsmen clothes (mwhaha) and sundry other things...like the cake, ceremony, and pricing the local printers. Oh yeah, and the registries. Can't forget those.

~The Lady